he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
