he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
