where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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