He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
