You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
