The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
