I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
