Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
