Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
