I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i out mim tonsoeep
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
