No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
soo... how was my night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
