I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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