I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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