Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i came on her dog
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
