I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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