Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
