Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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