My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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