My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
