Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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