We named our party play list daddy issues
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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