I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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