I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
