he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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