im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
