i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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