ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
