im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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