I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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