i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
