I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
