i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
