its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
