he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
