so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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