i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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