but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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