The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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