you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
