Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
