Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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