So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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