Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
