Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
