Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
