I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
