No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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