I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
