i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
