Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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