through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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