return my video game
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
